If you want to be happy BE!! - Leo Tolstoy

I have been a miserable bugger recently and i'm not going to lie in the new virtual world we live in its easy to be bright and breezy and in fact create the world we'd like to be living in. We now declare to the world what we are doing almost every second of the day, in fact almost always when we are doing something interesting but is it of any interest to anyone or are we living in a world that consumes us only?? Heavy I know !!

Can we not just slob out in front of the TV, not watching anything great and not doing anything at all possibly no we need to create the illusion that are lives are so perfect when in fact outside of the virtual world they might be anything but!! I know I dot cartoons onto my blog because I believe without a few laughs life and my blog would be very very boring!
I don't do twitter because I just don't get it?? To follow people whilst they describe every moment they do?? and do I want to tell the world what I do, you'd be bored so then do you make things more interesting ?? and then do your following start believing that their lives are indeed boring and become down by default???

I'm only really saying all this as I have a fully functional brain (albeit a blonde one) but a body that doesn't go along with the plans I try to make or think I can do!! So i'm in this virtual world 24/7 at the moment I go out to the doctors, the hospital or to see my mum and dad or close friends and thats it!! Nothing exceptional to say, so I now barely say anything do you say yes i've woken in pain, yes i'm still in pain, yes i'm going to bed in pain. People don't want to hear that and I look at myself in the mirror and see the shell of myself ebbing away. Depression?? Possibly its no stranger to me but i've fought it for years but with the illness I have at present apparently it'll be part and parcel as my identity is being stripped away day by day.
I went into work the other day to see my Occupational Health Department with the full intention (brain again) of getting back to work at least part time. Driving hurts as i've said before so I try to not drive if given the chance but I drove, parked up and the started to walk to the department. Normally my right hip goes on walking this time it was both hips, I wanted to stand in the car park and burst into tears, no one of my age should be immobile surely its not right, but why do we think its OK for an older person??
After working for years with Cancer patients some who survived others who sadly didn't, one thing  always struck me and that was their battle to fight Cancer all the way even to the end if needs be!
So armed with myself help guide books, anti aging bible and Trinny and Susannah what not to wear guide. I am going to reinvent myself and give myself checklists of things to do before this disease takes complete hold of me. I want my husband to see me as the beautiful woman I once was not a dream he once had!
So checklist begins with:

Although you have to remember that as my brain is extremely active (possibly too much) I might not be able to follow through on this blog but i'll give it a damn good try.

 Small steps everyday and you'll get there one day.

• Try and get out to walk the dog (even a small walk) once a day
• Try and collect the boys from school at least twice a week.
• Go as blonde as I can (always cheers me up)
• Put make up on everyday and perfume.
• Start diet again or eating healthier plan??
• Have a date night once a week with hubby, no phones, no laptops, no work.
• Work through "The Anti Ageing Bible"
• Refresh clothes and only wear what suits.
• Try and stop dwelling on what I can't do!

Oh well we'll see how I get on!

TTFN!!