But you don't look sick!!!

Dear Reader

After my joyous day when I thought I was getting better sadly I declined and my body failed me miserably, depression hit me like a thunderbolt and I (to be honest) didn't want or rather couldn't do anything.
I have been to see a Rheumatologist now and had 9 bottles yes 9  of bloods taken for tests i'd never heard of before and have booked an appointment for a full body scan aaargh!!

But I will try to do a little of my blog each day if only to keep my sanity away from watching almost 4 hours of JK today, save me save me!! I thought I could shout but its nothing compared to the other people anyway after the millionth day of crying I've decided enoughs enough and to start fighting it.

First step to recovery or acceptance possibly in my case a wee ditty I made (sorry only a few of the lines rhyme)

When someone asks how are you?

Do you smile and say you’re ok? Or do you tell the truth?

I wake with aches and pains every morning

If I climb up the stairs my knees hurt

If I drive the car my ankles hurt

I can't raise the phone to my ear as my elbow will hurt

I moan when getting dressed so quite often have jammie days

And if I dare attempt to walk my right hip will go

Typing will hurt my fingers soon so I’ll keep it brief

I sit as still as I possibly can in the hope that the pain will lessen (it never does)

Sometimes its my right wrist with my left ankle

sometimes its my left elbow with my right knee

much like a game of twister (I’d win)

despite the rumours I DO want to work

I love my job and I love my patients .

I sit at home and watch rubbish telly all day, bliss you might say

Not for me my brain is addled with the senseless nonsense that is JK .

I am not lazy but have been reduced to a lazy life

I wish I could blog, or write my much awaited book but my fingers ache and burn

Only my family know my true pain

I moan and I groan and I cry all the time

I shout and I accuse because of my own helplessness

My husband is patient and caring but in his tone I can now hear resentment of a disease he can’t see

I have developed a skill in avoiding seeing friends

I want to see you to talk to you to be with you but my pain is too much to bear

And I would want to sleep throughout most of our chat so I don’t put you through that

So if you see me in the street please don’t ask “how are you” because I may be tempted to tell the truth but most likely i'll say i'm fine!!!

This is supposed to be a poem (funny as well) but I failed miserably sorry

TTFN her crankiness :)