So where is the hope and where is the faith ... What's that you say to me Does love... light up your Christmas tree?

I didn't think i'd be back here but ........................... in 4 weeks possibly due to lots of emotionals going around i'm thinking of moving back home! and yes I do still say home despite my husbands objections!!

Please don't get me wrong I truly love where we live but the niggles are starting to set in, no more so than when I discovered that our 4 weekly trip back (home) wasn't going to happen this week due to lack of funds (blame the petrol costs if you will). And the realisation that I would get to see my two oldest children (21 & 20) and no doubt thy don't need to see me but I miss them. Then there's my mum and dad and my friends I just need that fix every so often to keep me going.

Which has led to me looking at hubby working once again in Heathrow will it get us back, doubtful. Do we want to go back hmmmmm!!!???!!!

Ideal situation would be an hours (max) journey away from the formally named place called home.

In an idyllic location. You can't beat where we live, vast open spaces, beautiful countryside, polite & friendly people but day in day out its the same thing .........................

Get up, everyone dressed and ready for school (8 mile round trip) , back walk to the post office, back walk to the dog, back make lunch, do some work whilst little man sleeps (today its blog time) and then pick up kids from school (8 mile round trip), walk dog, cook dinner, wash up, walk dog and then time for snuggles with hubby which almost always ends with my falling asleep by 9 now, old age?? no more like boredom without realising it :(. I have spent the entire week just crying for no reason; when your dad phones you and tells you that he is donating his fuel allowance to us as we need it more breaks my heart, it seriously does. I'm starting to worry that i'll start heading down a downward spiral that I won't be able to get myself back out of.

With finances the way they are, we can't explore this beautiful place that we live in. Did we make a mistake moving here?? In hindsight yes!!! I can see why people wait till they retire now, they have the luxury of not needing to search on a daily basis for work, the luxury of knowing they are ruining their children's lives by the constant uprooting of schools, friends, lifestyles etc. Eldest son has already said he'll move but only if he can be homeschooled (understandable given that he is never sure of anything) and better wii fi connection possibly would be better if we just moved 3 miles down the road.

We struggle to find the petrol costs for the daily commute to school, we struggle with the fact that we can't join any clubs for little man again due to finance, we struggle knowing that 2011 has been a struggle basically (can I pull this blog up enlighten it a bit?? possibly not lol).

Hubby is bored with licking envelopes wouldn't we all be?? but what to do?? I have started applying for full time work which grieves me because I want to be around to spend time with little man but with hubby not enjoying his job and this being his first touch of a real job in 4 months the futures bleak for him unless we move back near an airport.

Locations looking into so far chilterns?? Chalfonts etc beautiful place to live I feel more research going on??

Next blog to be escaping from the country but hopefully to the coutry (if that makes sense lol).

Pros for staying:                                                             Pros for going:

Cheaper rent                                                                 better job prospects
Idyllic area                                                                    closer to family and friends
Nice south norfolk council people (truly nice)                 petrol costs will be at a min possibly
Appts that wk with dr's                                                 might be able to find a similar closer location??
Kids are happy with schs                                            
Kids have friends
Hubby has his football
Fab walks with the dog
friendly area / friendly full stop!!
Possibility of being able to afford to buy a house one day.
Move to the sea is possible here
larger house to rent would make it more viable to stay here
winning the lottery would be good too


Ok there seem to be more pros to stay than go .........................hmm shall ponder the thought and get back to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Little man still asleep shall I do some work now??)

TTFN!!!

Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetime, is certain for those who are friends. ~Richard Bach

Well its been a while! and quite a few things have happened since so i'll give you a brief update.

Hubby has started working as a temp in a printer factory that churns out millions of letters per day. He states its THE most boring job on earth but for now is (almost) paying the bills. However, he finally has the chance of getting his much desired job as he has an interview in Norwich to become a postman.

so i'm sure we'll all have our fingers and toes crossed for him tomorrow.
At the moment he's working lates which means moi has to do the late walk with the dog (well late ish)  and I CANNOT stress enough how dark it is in our village.

No streetlights and barely any houses does not create much light. As you walk its like you're in a dream where you can't see where you're walking so everywhere you walk feels like you're never getting there. Now let me stress I barely carry my phone around with me, big mistake when it comes to late night dogwalking.
Willis of course needs to release his bowels (excuse the TMI) but its pitch black, so and no one back where I used to live will believe I did this but I had to feel around in the dark on the grass feeling for poo. With my hand in the bag I must stress of course lol. But I did get some poo but it (and again TMI I apologise) but I have a big dog who does big poos basically but I picked up small poos' hmmm there i've said it. I pick up other peoples dog poos that they obviously couldn't see and have left my dog's big poo for hopefully someone else to come along and pick up. Seriously what has my life come to pmsl!
The picture is obviously not relevant as they have a lampost!!!

But i'm not knocking our life.

I wake in the morning and barely put on any makeup. Drive the 3 miles to the boys schools and drop them both off the younger one walks into school on his own. I park where I can see into the playground, the head comes out every morning at 8.30 as do the teaching assistants. There are maybe 3 or 4 mums that are in the playground and that's it. Because its SAFE, kids are worried, parents aren't worried, they have a zero tolerance for bullying and its just a really nice school with really nice teachers (although my son says that the dinner ladies are a tad strict).

We walk the dog for miles in the day

'Let any stranger find mee so pleasant a county, such good way, large heath, three such places as Norwich, Yar. and Lin. in any county of England, and I'll bee once again a vagabond to visit them.' Sir Thomas Browne

'Often times within the circle of your sight there is neither house nor man visible. A grey church tower, a windmill, or the dark-brown sail of a wherry in the distance breaks the sense of utter loneliness, but the scene is wild enough to enchain the imagination of many.' George Christopher Davis (1884)

'...this corner of England which once it holds your heart is more lovely than any place on earth. Beautiful with a hint of secrecy which haunts it, as the memory of a dark and tender sadness clouds the brilliance of a summer day.' Lilias Rider Haggard (Norfolk Notebook)

'The Norfolk landscape sends a shiver through my soul....' Raffaella Barker

'You either get Norfolk, with its wild roughness and uncultivated oddities, or you don't. It's not all soft and lovely. It doesn't ask to be loved.' Stephen Fry

'Once you get to know Norfolk, there is no better place to live.' John Timpson

'For the traveller in search of the English Heritage, the county is a paradise.' Arthur Mee

, me and the milk monster and I love it. The quiet, the fields, the people (everyone you pass says hello) and I realize (much as it saddens me to admit as obviously I still miss my family and friends) but we made the right choice. We LOVE this lifestyle, we love our cosy nights in and that's why I've come to the end of this blog i'm afraid and that's why the blogs have been so few and far between. I really don't do a lot anymore but its great and i'm very very happy with where we live.


BUT...............................................

We couldn't part with Willis despite finding a new home for him when it came down to him, he's part of us now and he's flipping adorable. Even the milk monster passes him his ball and he's beyond gentle. I love that i'll walk him (and trust me every other house has a dog) and they bark and bark at him and he just looks at me and carries on walking. He doesn't bark .............................bliss.

However this means that we've had to request permission from our landlord to stay in our property as we now have a dog. Letter went out today so fingers and toes crossed again or we might well be on the move again.
 but we sooooooooooooooo desperately hope we can stay for once we feel like we're somewhere we'd like to stay.

So I bid you all farewell, i've loved doing the blog and will hopefully start another one soon once I have something interesting to talk about.

TTFN!!!!!!

“Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.”

Hubby has just finished his 4th day and last day working at Goodies Farm Shop (see naming and shaming again!!) without warning he has been "let go" ( great two words but can think of two greater ;P) . He had tears in his eyes as he told me but he of course denies that ;-(.
Utterly gutted for him and simply CANNOT fathom our luck or lack of ............................
on a brighter note hubby got a text just as he was telling me about his job about another job, but he's going back to nights and tomorrow. I guess a jobs a job but you seriously couldn't write our life if you tried!!!!

Meanwhile we sold our little jumpers business and then they didn't pay and have stopped all contact, again see the bad luck thread here???? Why oh why do people bid if they don't intent to buy?? So its back on again but my one other serious buyer was so serious he went and brought a start up business direct from the manufacturers. MAN!!!

Oh well it could be worse I suppose.........................

I have my appointment booked with the business bank manager and i've just come away from writing my business plan to blog, priorities and all that ??? lol! Have decided to be the BEST party bag business in the UK (might open 1st January 2012) though just to be safe eh?? Knowing our luck it'll open and people will stop having kids birthday parties (doubtful I know but with our luck).

On another bad luck side we've decided that Willis Taylor needs to move out and find a family that loves and understands him :-(. He is such a gorgeous dog but he has decided that he adores me so each time I pick up the milk monster he tries to nuzzle in, jumps up at me, jumps over (yes over) the baby and sends him flying all the time ( I swear he can't see him ) so we contacted a man who said he absolutely loved him when we met him (retired ambulance man, now collecting for charity) but haven't heard back from him and also Willis's last parents as they friends who wanted him but we'd already paid for him at the time so watch the tears roll when he leaves :-(.
in fact i'm welling up thinking about it hmmmmm.

I have decide to have a reading done as this run of bad luck simply cannot continue, I repeat CANNOT continue (just in case someone up high is listening)

1st reading:

Cause you have stopped the natural flow of life, flexible and open to change. Everything is going smoothly by itself, you do not have the slightest effort. This period of relaxed, always remain within you, use it to accomplish your dreams and emellerinizi. But in a moment kalkışmamaya (no idea what this means as found the only Turkish fortune tellor by the looks of it and rest of page translated except that word so it must be bad lol) very careful work, the future is not as favorable as the stars of this period may have difficulties carrying out more than all the projects


2nd Reading:
You pursue your goals with enormous drive and energy; try to restrain your uncontrollable desire for success. Despite your eagerness, hold yourself back a little, consider the big picture and allow your body a break, so that it is prepared for upcoming tasks, this may be a wisest position to adopt as you may be asked to make further sacrifices on the way.
hmmmm lets try my Tarot reading:

	Decisive Card Your current situationThe Upside-Down Emperor of Swords There are a lot of treacherous and brutal people around you. Be cautious of enemies who look like friends. Your stubborn behaviors may cause the circumstances which will end badly.		Contradictory Card The things that effect you and hold you backThe Upside-Down Four of Cups You can start new friendships and enter new environments. One of your friends that you seperated before, will hold out the olive-branch and you will turn back to your old sprightly days.
	Basis Card The reason of your problemThe Upside-Down Three of Swords This card implies you may incur losses. This loses may be money or relationship. At this stage, you should get rid of this confusion as soon as possible. It is right time to touch down the Earth from clouds.		Recent Happenings Recent happenings and their reasonsThe Four of Swords You have troubled and depressive days. You mind is always busy. You need to have a rest and sequester yourself from the world for a while. Don't forget that this troubled period is temporary.
	Current Time Explanation of current eventsThe Five of Wands You had an argument with people around you. But time will justify you. At this stage, you may find the opportunity to revise your relationship and take safer steps for future.		Future Readings about future eventsThe Tower This card implies conflicts, unexpected disasters, misery, sorrow, disgrace and poverty.
	Feelings Explanation of your feelingsThe Upside-Down Three of Pentacles This card implies failure and disability. Some problems in business life is waiting for you. You need to stop being interested in unimportant things and focus on your job.		Exogenous Forces Exogenous forces and their effects on youThe Wheel of Fortune It is the forerunner of happiness and good luck. Life may enter upon a new phase for you. After the solution of a problem that you are waiting for being solved, there may be unexpected beneficial changes in your life. The material well-being which came about your efforts in the past, is coming.
	Wishes and Hopes Your wishes and hopesThe Upside-Down Five of Pentacles You dropped your hard and troubled days behind. With the things which are promised you, come true, happy days are waiting for you.		Result Overall ReadingsThe Upside-Down Seven of Pentacles You are impatient and have material doubts. You have trouble caused by the debt that you gave recently.

Lastly Cartomancy:

Eight of Clubs Up to now, you were in the last ditch and had troubles. Your heart is never satisfied. However, it is time to be happy. If your aim is to marry, your wish will come true. If you want to be wealthier, your wish will come true. There is an overland journey for you soon. You will be treated with kindness or generosity by someone and your statute and career will improve. However, one of your family members will go to foreign land and will not return Not bad, shame about the family member :-(. Might call it a day and retreat to bed with a LARGE glass of red. TTFN!!!

Tomorrow is another day!!

Travelodge number 578 or thereabouts.

Hubby got to see his kids and it was quite a picture seeing us all walking round Sainsburys late last night getting nibbles for our stay in the travelodge lol!!

Will be checking out soon and hubby is with one of his kids dropping off for the first of 3 dropoffs to activities today hmm, he won't see so much of them then lol! Hence also why I get to go on the computer albeit for just the one hour ..................... must be quick.

Seeing my lovely sister and my 2 nephews today for the oldest's birthday 4, I seriously can't believe that I kept saying to everyone he would be 3. Where has the time gone but saying that little milk monster will be 1 soon.............................blimey!!!

So time to get dressed, walk the mile to find the car, with kids and luggage .....................

TTFN!!!!!

I am writing this on the morning of Friday 30^th September with tears in my eyes, You see we’ve lost another bean and to suffer one miscarriage is devastating but two in the same year is awful and the reality that next year there will now be two dates in which to mourn what could have been.

We didn’t tell anyone this time that we were expecting perhaps anticipating the potential heartbreak that was ahead.  When the doctor and nurse congratulate you, you want to say wait a minute not yet wait for the 12 weeks. When you get invited to a group session for parents expecting you want to say please I can’t not until I’m sure.

The change that you feel inside both mentally and physically is huge.

We’re staying at my parents’ house at the moment and as they don’t know losing yesterday was very very hard as I couldn’t say anything. My daughter knew and she had her arms around me and looked after me but obviously the other children didn’t know why their mum was crying and so sad. All I wanted to do was be in my husband’s arms but yay he has his new job and was at work so at least we have a small glimmer of good news.

I am off to see the girls today to have our meet up chai tea latte but I wonder how I’ll get through it, all I really want to do is go home and go to bed and cry (oh and eat lots and lots of chocolate).

We are also off to stay in the Travelodge tonight so that we can see hubbys kids but unfortunately she of greater power has decided we now can’t see them so all round it’s been a rubbish week/weekend so far and it hasn’t really begun yet.

They say behind every cloud there’s a silver lining, here’s hoping.